When 2019 arrived, I decided that I needed a change. More like, I decided to change. I did not want to feel like a failure, that nothing good is happening to me. So I decided to take matters into my hand.
I resolved not to complain about my circumstances or myself.
THAT was the best decision ever.
Because that decision put me in a path of self-growth.
I did things. A lot of things.
I set sail into the uncharted waters with no definite plan, but for the sake of trying out.
I decided that I would rather try and fail than deal with the ‘feeling of failure’ that has laid a king-size bed with cozy comforter set and all inside my head. And that worked. My head got rid of the unwanted occupant and its possessions.
Now I am only terrified like a normal person.
I am glad that 2019 happened. I’m glad that I still have a long way to go. 2019 propelled me with more than hope. It induced courage in me to get my feet wet. Here I am unsure and terrified, yet feeling a lot better about myself. One of the important lessons which I learned this year was to try it out before calling quits. As in, give a specific amount of time just for whatever is it that you want to do and work on it. Even if it’s not the best work ever, the satisfaction and the strength that will stay with you as a result of that will be incredible.
2019 – Year in Review
What I did
- The most important accomplishment this year I had was giving importance to myself. A promise that threatened to break at times, still I was able to take care of myself. I could manage stress. Stress was always around, but I figured a way to deal with it. I remembered to tackle it before it got the better of me. My secret? Deep breaths. That’s it. A couple of breaths in and out focussing on the breath actually stopped stress on its tracks and by the time I was ready to focus on it after the breathing exercise stress changed its focus from me, as it turned out. This was a game-changer for me.
- Appearing for an exam I never thought I would clear – That discipline to sit and learn everyday among other chores was exactly what I needed. I learned that I need to set a specific time and deadline if I want to see results. This lesson can be applied in all areas of life. I no longer resort to I can’t or I don’t think I can, instead, when I fail to write a post or meet a deadline I say I didn’t do it. Because that’s the truth. I didn’t try it in the right way. It’s not because I couldn’t, it’s only because I didn’t.
- Publishing my poetry book. – Dreams will come true if I set out to make it happen. That was the lesson I taught through this book publishing experience. This book will remain as a sign to get off and do it before time runs out. And also that it’s never too late. Whenever I get that knotted feeling of no, it’s too late, my poetry book will remind me that it isn’t so. Void Thoughts is my symbol of ‘never give up‘. Asking too many things out of a small book that isn’t even selling much, huh? Let’s just say the representation that I associate with certain things is crazy as me. 🙂
- Launching my Podcast and YouTube Channels – I didn’t begin 2019 with these goals in mind. They were formed later on as part of evolution I think. I have a lot of work to do in being consistent, but I’m in no hurry. Taking slow and steady and time off when my circumstance needs me to. I am just happy that I started with these however imperfect they are.
What I read
I don’t recall all the books I read, but there are a few books I did make a note of them in Goodreads before I forgot to again. The second half of 2019 saw a slow reading phase. These are the books that I finished in the first half of the year.
- The Clue of the Tapping Heels- Nancy Drew Mystery Stories #16
- The Mystery of the Brass Hound Trunk – Nancy Drew Mystery Stories #17
- The Mystery at the Moss-Covered Mansion – Nancy Drew Mystery Stories #18
- Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty
- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
- The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo
- The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up: A Magical Story by Marie Kondo
- Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
- The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
- Men Without Women by Haruki Murakami
- What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami
- Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life by Hector Garcia
- Becoming by Michelle Obama
- You Beneath Your Skin by Damyanti Biswas
I liked all these reads. There are a couple more, actually more than a couple more, which I started to read and couldn’t finish before the return date at the library. And yes the Harry Potter series which I read with Kanna. I am happy about my reading. 🙂
What I learned
SO many things. The AWS cloud certification which I took in May, how to host a podcast, how to self publish a book, how to launch a youtube Channel, learning different editing softwares, Audacity for audio editing, software skills for my career one day – I learned quite a lot and I loved each and everything. If there was something I didn’t like to continue learning, I dropped it, because life is too short to keep learning what we don’t enjoy. There are millions of things to learn and do in this lifetime. I became a regular visitor of skillshare which I loved with all the different topics to pick up.
I feel content overall. I didn’t earn or did anything brilliant. But I used my days to count this year as one of the good ones. I am super proud of myself for doing that. To think that it all started from the one decision to reduce complaining and to take care of myself is insane, isn’t it? 2019 is the year I’m grateful for me first and foremost for listening to my dreams and for pausing when I had to because of my health. I listened to myself, my thoughts, and my flaws. It made me better. It made me see myself in a different light. 2020 and this new decade deserves a better person. Thank you 2019 for this.
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