Let me say this right away. I am dreading this post. Then why am I writing this? Because I always do. I have been writing an end of the year review since 2014. It’s a habit I got into since I started blogging.
But this year I don’t have anything to show.
2022 was a difficult year. I set off determined to make it my year, but every day of 2022, I lived with a feeling of lack. Lack of faith in myself. Lack of fulfillment. Lack of purpose.
Truthfully though, I did a few things this year. I did a certification in Data Analytics through Google. I absolutely enjoyed the course and finished it successfully. But when it was time to find a job, my lack of confidence got the better of me. I went back to the feeling of I was not good enough and didn’t pursue hard enough. It made me feel a lot more bitter knowing that I am giving up on something I really wanted to shine on.
My writing also took a hard hit as self doubt had me in its choke hold. I wrote sporadically this year. Not because I think blogging is dying, I don’t believe that, but because my mind was filled with self doubt. I did address it many times in my posts when I gathered the courage to write, but it still follows me around.
The weekly gratitude posts I started to share in 2022 helped me to stay sane. But slowly that also took a backseat, as I started to doubt myself. Who wants to know what I am grateful for. Okay, so I’m grateful for my pathetic little life, what’s the big deal. These were some of the voices that crept inside me. I was mostly in a battle with the unworthy voices for most of 2022.
But in November, out of the blue I got a sponsored post offer from an organization who read my gratitude posts I published in Medium. It was a surprise and an honor. I didn’t seek an opportunity like that, it came to me. That whole incident made me look at myself in a different light.
It matters what you do. The tiniest flicker of light is all you need to find a path forward. What I do, what I write, might not be something substantial. But if it makes one person happy, if it brings a flicker of smile on one person’s face, if it causes one person to pause and think, even if that one person is just me, what I do, what I write has value.
2022 was also the year when I came to term with many unresolved issues that were deep rooted in my mind. Forgiveness finally found its way to my mind. I have developed an attitude of peace and compassion toward others and myself, no matter the deed. I realized that if I was stripped of all the identities and labels attached to me, I would still be at peace. I am still not wise enough to express my knowledge related to this in words properly, but this year took me to a different direction in terms of peace and gratitude from within. I am able to see things objectively as well as view it subjectively from the other person’s point of view. All of which made me back off and take a deep breath many times.
I am not sure if I can call it a spiritual awakening. Whatever be it, it also gave me innumerable headaches because I couldn’t convince others to think objectively. That was another learning – to let go of the battles that aren’t mine to pursue.
Another realization was everything I gathered as a positive learning might only be a part of something bigger and years later I might realize how little I knew. Still everything is as it should be today. Finding clarity a bit at times and realizing how wrong I was or how right I was, and being at peace with my realizations, values, and thoughts as they unravel was one of the significant lessons in 2022 for me.
In that way, this was a phenomenal year, although I consider I didn’t achieve anything in 2022.
I walked into 2022 with full of hope to call it my year of discovering myself in career and financial freedom. As the year is drawing to a close, I am walking away with no progress in career or finances, but carrying a knowledge much more than any career or financial progress would’ve brought to me. I spent the year loaded with insecurity and self doubt that held me back from taking a step forward, but as I sit here reflecting on the year that has gone by, I am at peace knowing that all those insecurities and self doubts reinstated my beliefs and principles. I am able to acknowledge that I might not know better yet, but I can carry on the path of my choosing fearlessly, because all I need is my approval in my life.
2022 was a year where I learned how much I matter to me and how much I need to stand up for who I am. Now that’s not a bad year, is it?
Wish you all a prosperous 2023!
Wow! We seem to have had a similar kind of journey in 2022.
“Who wants to know what I’m grateful for.”
That’s something I could instantly connect with. I quit the 100happydays blog challenge on my old blog because of this exact same thought… that who wants to know what I’m happy for & why do I need to boast about the good things in my life! :))
Keep blogging, girl! 🙂
– Kay @ https://www.mugofmuse.com/
I feel proud to know you as friend, Vinitha. It’s bold of you to hit publish on how exactly you felt and that’s why you are special. Self discovery is the beginning of self worth and realisation that we achieve what we want. I am sorry that you had those moments of self doubt but I am proud that you got through that. Here’s to a 2023 that brings you to closer to yourself and let’s you blog to your heart’s content.
And to the question on who’s reading? Well, I am! 🙂
Take care, Vinitha! Love and hugs!
A big hug to you… 2023 will surely be your year. I have started believing that whatever is happening, has to happen. So que sera sera…just breathe and live every moment…things will fall in place on its own. Trust the universe and live blissfully.
My year seems so similar to yours. Please keep writing. I love reading your posts even though I might not have always commented on them the last year. May this year give you the courage and strength to go after everything you desire.
You are one of the most consistent writers I have seen in the blogging world, Vinitha. The BAR sharing post always had your posts even when there was no one else writing. That is dedication!
Congrats on completing the course and your sponsored post! You deserve all of it. A tiny flicker of hope matters yes. Keeping that in mind I’m back to blogging as well. Remember, you are an inspiration to many like me and that’s all the motivation you need.
Much love!
I’m sorry that financially and career-wise the year didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped but it also sounds like you’ve had some epiphanies and some good things happen as well. Please do keep blogging and writing, even for yourself because you don’t know who is reading it and who it impacts. I hope 2023 is kinder to you overall.
Congratulations for a year well lived and lessons learned and so beautifully articulated, Vini. Even though everything didn’t go according to plan, you really did shine with your consistency to writing and all inner you have done. Wishing you nothing but the best in 2023! Hugs.
“It matters what you do. The tiniest flicker of light is all you need to find a path forward.”
This speaks to me, Vinitha and it resonates…I could feel it…because in many ways, I too went through a roller coaster ride of sorts in 2022!
I’m so glad that you made it a year of inner growth and evolved into a higher plane of existence. I especially loved how you slowly changed the narrative to one of positivity and learning despite so many things not going according to plan. AND despite all that was going on, you continued to write regularly, through the year and never gave up on yourself no matter the self-doubt that crept up now and then. I think that is truly laudable!!! You inspired so many others with that alone and you should be rightly proud of that!
Self-love for being who you are and standing up for yourself is non-negotiable, right?
I’m so glad you wrote this awesome post to share with us…Wishing you more of writing, learning, growing, travels, adventures and fun in 2023, Vinitha!
Much love and hugs
I am sorry to hear that on many fronts 2022 was a disappointment for you. Full marks to you for not sugarcoating that. But at the same time, you got recognition, you also completed a course. I am glad that you are consistently writing. I know how tough it is to write when no one is reading. I hope we all continue to read and encourage each other. Best wishes for 2023.
First of all, Kudos to you for sharing those raw realizations.. and Secondly as they, even a step forward is progress. So we can consider 2022 was great year indeed!
Wishing you all the success in 2023!
Undoubtedly, you are one of the consistent writers and I loved reading your posts whenever I visited BAR. You always flickered that hope in me to write some fiction, honestly, I wrote a few fiction but never posted it for your prompts. You’re amazing than you think you are. For the Gemini in us, we know that, but will never accept that. Also, Congratulations on the Data Analytics, I love that field. Also, it’s amazing when someone notices the work we do <3. Wishing you a wonderful year ahead. <3 Cheers to this year of writing.