Let me say this right away. I am dreading this post. Then why am I writing this? Because I always do. I have been writing an end of the year review since 2014. It’s a habit I got into since I started blogging.
But this year I don’t have anything to show.
2022 was a difficult year. I set off determined to make it my year, but every day of 2022, I lived with a feeling of lack. Lack of faith in myself. Lack of fulfillment. Lack of purpose.
Truthfully though, I did a few things this year. I did a certification in Data Analytics through Google. I absolutely enjoyed the course and finished it successfully. But when it was time to find a job, my lack of confidence got the better of me. I went back to the feeling of I was not good enough and didn’t pursue hard enough. It made me feel a lot more bitter knowing that I am giving up on something I really wanted to shine on.
My writing also took a hard hit as self doubt had me in its choke hold. I wrote sporadically this year. Not because I think blogging is dying, I don’t believe that, but because my mind was filled with self doubt. I did address it many times in my posts when I gathered the courage to write, but it still follows me around.
The weekly gratitude posts I started to share in 2022 helped me to stay sane. But slowly that also took a backseat, as I started to doubt myself. Who wants to know what I am grateful for. Okay, so I’m grateful for my pathetic little life, what’s the big deal. These were some of the voices that crept inside me. I was mostly in a battle with the unworthy voices for most of 2022.
But in November, out of the blue I got a sponsored post offer from an organization who read my gratitude posts I published in Medium. It was a surprise and an honor. I didn’t seek an opportunity like that, it came to me. That whole incident made me look at myself in a different light.
It matters what you do. The tiniest flicker of light is all you need to find a path forward. What I do, what I write, might not be something substantial. But if it makes one person happy, if it brings a flicker of smile on one person’s face, if it causes one person to pause and think, even if that one person is just me, what I do, what I write has value.
2022 was also the year when I came to term with many unresolved issues that were deep rooted in my mind. Forgiveness finally found its way to my mind. I have developed an attitude of peace and compassion toward others and myself, no matter the deed. I realized that if I was stripped of all the identities and labels attached to me, I would still be at peace. I am still not wise enough to express my knowledge related to this in words properly, but this year took me to a different direction in terms of peace and gratitude from within. I am able to see things objectively as well as view it subjectively from the other person’s point of view. All of which made me back off and take a deep breath many times.
I am not sure if I can call it a spiritual awakening. Whatever be it, it also gave me innumerable headaches because I couldn’t convince others to think objectively. That was another learning – to let go of the battles that aren’t mine to pursue.
Another realization was everything I gathered as a positive learning might only be a part of something bigger and years later I might realize how little I knew. Still everything is as it should be today. Finding clarity a bit at times and realizing how wrong I was or how right I was, and being at peace with my realizations, values, and thoughts as they unravel was one of the significant lessons in 2022 for me.
In that way, this was a phenomenal year, although I consider I didn’t achieve anything in 2022.
I walked into 2022 with full of hope to call it my year of discovering myself in career and financial freedom. As the year is drawing to a close, I am walking away with no progress in career or finances, but carrying a knowledge much more than any career or financial progress would’ve brought to me. I spent the year loaded with insecurity and self doubt that held me back from taking a step forward, but as I sit here reflecting on the year that has gone by, I am at peace knowing that all those insecurities and self doubts reinstated my beliefs and principles. I am able to acknowledge that I might not know better yet, but I can carry on the path of my choosing fearlessly, because all I need is my approval in my life.
2022 was a year where I learned how much I matter to me and how much I need to stand up for who I am. Now that’s not a bad year, is it?
Wish you all a prosperous 2023!