I haven’t written a gratitude post this year. It wasn’t intentional, but in some ways it was intentional too.
Let me explain.
I felt that a gratitude post would lead to too much disclosure of my personal life. I am way less active in social media for a while now. And I didn’t feel the need to celebrate every little joy or to show every little frown online. But I think there is some downside to this way of thinking.
My voice, where is it! You know, when you go quiet for some time, you get comfortable in that quietness and slowly your voice fades. I was blogging all this while. Never a week I failed to appear with my #FictionMonday prompt post and #SoulfulSunday post with my buddies.
Yet, some things have changed. Well, some things have been changing for some time now. But now that I look back, I feel those two weekly blogging events I show up without fail only because I committed to it. My random Facebook status, blog post shares, everything which was non-committal, I gave up on them. For all you know I don’t exist.
But hey, nobody will miss this human being. Isn’t that a comfort!
I don’t feel that grateful. That’s why I decided to write this post. I feel lost and lonely. I feel like I am left on the side of the road where I can’t find any mode of transportation. I can’t even hitchhike, because there aren’t any vehicles on this road of abandonment. I want to go back and stay on the once-covered road that was busy and filled with fun. It was hard to imagine then that the road ahead was going to be this deserted. Despite the lack of companionship, I keep moving forward. Maybe, I hope that I will meet someone like me, stranded on this island of a road. I am not sure at this point. But I am moving forward.
All I am grateful for at this moment is my ability to move forward. My willingness to keep moving forward, not knowing what lies ahead.
But yes, I am grateful although I don’t feel especially grateful.