I don’t think of myself as a profound writer. Nothing I write is of a ‘must-read value’. I don’t earn through my writings either. I tried that but it’s not for me. I am at peace with writing these flawed pieces that serve no purpose whatsoever to others but compels me to write rather than a 2000 word article for a little money writing which chops my soul into a million little pieces.
The thing is I’m happy with my imperfect writings that forces me to improve.
There are times though when doubt shadows me around. Why am I blogging? It is not helping anyone then why? Should I shift my shop to my journal and stop sharing these insignificant pieces of my soul with the world? Isn’t that the smarter option?
But then I remember reading the other insignificant pieces shared by my fellow bloggers. Those pieces that were written without any absolute purpose (or so the writer thought at the time of its conception) actually had helped me to stop listening to my self-doubt and keep writing. And writing definitely makes me happy.
My point is sometimes it is better to stop asking all those questions that would lead us into the deep dark pit where self-doubt reigns. Instead, keep doing that activity that makes you happy. It might feel pointless but the truth is everything has a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is not to serve an audience but to serve you. How can you help someone else selflessly if you don’t do that for yourself, to begin with?
Growth will accompany you only if you give time. Today it is your turn to do that that makes you happy so that tomorrow you can help someone else.
And of course, many times these writings which we see no particular value actually inspire others to share their story with the world inspiring someone else and so on. There is a subtle ripple effect that we are not aware of. Who am I to deny that!
Do I make sense?
Written for #SoulfulSunday, an exercise to nourish our creative side, by listening to a 10 minute guided meditation followed by 10 minutes of writing, formulated by Esha and supported by Shilpa and yours truly on Sundays.
You are welcome to join this meditative writing session!
This definitely makes sense. And it resonates strongly with me. I’ve been writing for 15 years and have felt this so many times. I’ve wondered what was the point… Lamented about so many posts buried over the years as time went by and whether it made any difference.
I know it did back then but then with time, even the readers change, the feedback reduces (atleast for me) and so self doubt creeps in. We do the best we can and believe it makes a difference at some level, I guess.
I can’t imagine you having self doubt, Roshan. You are an incredible writer who shares such wide variety of topics while having a demanding full time job. That’s absolutely inspiring.
I think it’s mandatory to go through these self doubt phases for us to reflect, learn, grow and get comfortable with the idea of ‘being ourselves’.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Roshan. ?
Your piece has done for me exactly what you said pieces by other writers and bloggers did for you – encouraged me to go on. I love when you say that sometimes the purpose is to serve ones own self. Just when I’ve been in the pit of self-doubt as if by providence I’ve stumbled upon at least two (or three) pieces that tell one to go on, yours being one of them. So glad I dropped by.
You make so much sense, my dear. Thank you for sharing such a lovely and relatable post, Vinitha! For someone who stumbled into blogging as a way to cope with a depressive state of mind I’ve always looked up to reading my fellow bloggers for motivation and I’ve been blessed to know so many who have left me richer with ideas and inspirations…That renewed zeal to go on and never give up…just the thing that you mentioned here is what keeps us going, never mind if the world calls us “hobby bloggers” and what not! Yes, it gets us no money alright, but the love for the written word, the shared joy of expressing one’s thoughts with like-minded people and the sheer love of writing keeps us together, Vinitha. <3
To serve ME and give me some peace of mind and happiness is why I still write on my blog, albeit sporadically. It just feels good even when what I write makes no sense when I read those posts later.
Thanks for this very honest post, Vini. It’s going to resonate with quite a lot of readers.