Days are whizzing past by me. It so seems that I am copy-pasting yesterdays into tomorrows and making it into today. Every day looks the same. There is no change.
Some days I feel at a loss. Yes, those some days were the same as the other days, but I feel low.
Are these “look alike” days making me go crazy? They do, sometimes.
I do sound a little crazy, right? I mean, it’s good that there are no changes in our lives, at the same time it’s causing a dip in the happiness level.
Well, without darkness how will you find the light? Everything in our life, our universe is complementary. We need both good and bad to appreciate the good. When all days look the same it’s no wonder that makes us feel lost, though it sounds not so logical.
These couple of months I learned a few things about me. I feel dull, but I find my happiness too. I stalk my happiness, until I see it near me.
How am I stalking happiness?
Well, I let go of my expectations. That picture-perfect image of how my productive day should look like is torn into pieces. Neither am I trying to mend that picture. I am taking each day as it is. I have a plan which I like to follow. But I know that it may or may not work. And, I don’t stress over it when it doesn’t work.
So when my little one comes and demands that he must sit on my lap, I put my pen and journal away, close the laptop lid and go and sit with him. Earlier I used to negotiate with him – I will be with you in 10 minutes, Let me finish my work, and so on. Obviously, his persistent ‘I need you, Amma’ wins, and I get frustrated over the unfinished work, resulting in a bitter mommy-son time together. Nobody is truly happy in such a situation.
Adjusting our expectations will add value to our lives, and eventually happiness quotient.
I make plans. There always will be at least two or three tasks prioritized in my to-do list every day. But some days, I hardly would complete even one. Then I add them for the next day’s list. I have trained myself not to lose my spirit over it.
Secondly, I have come to learn to accept life as it is. I don’t live in a dreamland, not anymore. Things could drastically change at any time. Instead of trying to keep it just the way it is, it is better to be accommodative of life and its many mischiefs.
A virus came and changed how the entire world worked. Things are not under control, though it seemed so for a teensy moment there. It’s a worrying thought that life can be disrupted and change its appearance that quickly.
Even though we didn’t get any notifications, we adapted to the newness (no matter how unwelcoming it was!)
Related reading Life In The Time Of Coronavirus
Stalking happiness isn’t easy
Letting go of expectations and accepting life as it is are very challenging. They sound so meditative, but it is unglamorous and mostly excruciating.
Let me explain.
When my little one interrupts me for the nth time, I lose my patience. It is a struggle between keeping my calm, keeping my thoughts that I was trying to put into a paper, and hiding the fact that how upset I am.
I have started to write this particular post a month ago. And the interruptions left me with no joy and gratitude that I find it pointless. Then I kept coming back to finish it and hope that I would be able to find gratitude again.
What I mean by this nonsensical rambling is that things are crazy. Yet, there are certain moments when I feel gratitude filling up my heart and fueling my thoughts. I welcome such distractions that help me to see the bright side.
Related Reading Gratitude In Troubled Times
Here are a few of such distractions that created a flow of gratitude in my mind the last two months-
? I started writing in Medium in mid-April. Here is my profile if you would like to check it out. One day I saw a message by Holly Jahangiri, a prolific blogger, which triggered me to start writing on Medium again. I had a couple of posts published there since then, the first one in January 2018. I wanted to create a consistent writing routine and restart publishing in Medium again when 2020 began but never got around it.
The message from Holly was a welcoming distraction that propelled me into action. Thank you, Holly. And thank you, Universe.
? Medium Partner Program. For the first time in my life, I’m getting paid for writing what I like to write. I’m not writing product reviews that bore me. Neither is there a word limit or deadline. I’m writing when I can and what I love to write. Of course, in April I earned a whole of 27 cents with which I can’t even buy a quarter cup of tea. But it’s a start. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Right?
? I’m writing a lot more than I used to. Writing is consuming my entire day and it is totally worth it. I am making submissions and getting rejections – all of which are fueling me to write more and more. I have a lot to learn and improve. But I am getting to do what I love to do. So grateful for that.
? Yoga & Walk. Something that I cannot live without. These two activities keep me pain-free and I am so grateful that I found the benefits of yoga and walking when I did. At the beginning of this COVID time, there was a period when my routine toppled over and I failed to practice yoga or go for a walk as I used to which the migraine and the back pain took as an open invitation and took over my senses. I’m so glad to find my rhythm again.
? One of my poems getting curated in the poetry section by the Medium Editors. That was a moment of pure, unadulterated happiness.
? Cooking at home. There is a lot of cooking happening at home since the stay at home order went live. It’s tiring. But home-cooked meals are satisfying. Also, getting my husband to help in the kitchen (it’s difficult these days as his phone calls never end) is a relief.
? Kanna wasn’t happy about his school closing down with no warning. In April, their remote online learning started and he got to meet with his class online. He still missed interacting with his friends in real-time, but it was a great comfort to him. The kid is waiting to go back to school when the school reopens in August after the summer holidays.
? Akku. The most active kid I have ever seen. He knows how to annoy us as well as to make us laugh with his naughtiness. Trust me, there is never a dull moment with him around. He takes up my energy mercilessly and showers me with unconditional love as Kanna used to do once.
? We are getting to stay at home and stay safe. That’s something to be grateful for.
?Getting shortlisted as one of the winners for last week’s The Hive’s weekly fiction writing contest.
I’m hoping to do a lot more writing in the coming days. I didn’t post here in May. That’s one thing I want to change. By writing consistently I am aiming for blogging consistently as well.
Tell me what are you grateful for?