Wednesday, October 16, 2019
Life Motherhood Random Random Thoughts

The working delusions!

I always wanted to become a working woman. This love to work started from my school days. I dreamed about finding job and building a house of my own than about meeting the prince charming. In fact meeting prince charming was never in my list. Those days I never liked the idea of getting married but I was sure that I would eventually get married to someone of my parent’s choice though I didn’t care much. Then with time my attitude changed and I too fell in love and got married to my knight in shining armour. Well, that’s a different story.

Let me come back to the topic now.

After getting married I resigned to join my husband abroad as I did not like the idea of leading marital life staying in different continents. Though I enjoyed the wife role, it took sometime to get in terms with the non-working, non-earning part of my life. Then when I had my baby the non-working part served its purpose.

What I am saying is the ambitious working woman in me found the perks of a house-wife, a stay-at-home-mom. The SAHM life proved me how wrong I was when I wondered how free my mother’s life with no homework or no exam to worry about.  Life with a husband and baby taught me how wrong was I in assuming that a house-wife/SAHM’s life as easy.

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Pic via Google

I guess almost all woman out there must be familiar with what I am talking about. So I am not diving in-depth narrating the hectic day of a wife/mother.

Now, when we returned from USA to India nine months back, I still haven’t made up my mind whether to join back work or not because my priority was my son and getting him adjusted to the new surroundings. But as soon as I landed, questions kept bombarding me – “Are you looking for job?”, “Will you get a job?”, and many were enquiring my husband if I would get a job where he works.
While many of those were innocent questions, just wanting to know my future decisions, some of them were not so innocent. I saw pity in some eyes on account of my worthless house-wife life where my engineering degree is of no use. I saw accusation in some eyes for not helping my husband’s hand in securing finances. No, no one accused me directly. But there was a lot of discussions on the hiking expenses in India and about the difficulty to support daily life even when both husband and wife works. All of this I found as a bit stretched. It’s true that India is more expensive than ever before but only for those who support their lively hood with daily wages not to the common software professionals.

I talked to one of my friends who was trying to get back in the software field after a gap of six years. She was having a hard time finding a job that is right fit for her and in keeping the work stress outside home. I asked her then why don’t you do the catering business as you wanted to do sometime back. She is an excellent cook and she likes trying out new delicacies. She told me that she would love to do that but she was asked what is the use of having an engineering degree if you are going to do the cooking business. That discouraged her.

I felt that years back when the 12-year old me exclaimed about the work-less, worry free life of a house-wife, I was unaware of the duties and responsibilities executed. I was unaware of the exhaustion a wife met with at the end of the day. Years later I no longer think that a house-wife has the luxury of time. But even today I see the same exclamation in many (matured)eyes when they asks me how I manage to pass my free time.
I wonder why still the wife with no earning job is considered worthless?
So what if someone finds their passion a little later?
So what if following what we are passionate about doesn’t pay as much as the job that our degree can get us?
So what if taking care of family is important to one than earning a handsome pay every month?
Even after experiencing the hectic day of house-wife how can any one think that we must work outside home to be useful?
When what I choose to do makes me happy how does that make me worthless in your eyes?

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Vinitha
<p>I am an ex-Software engineer turned into a SAHM with a love for words. I secretly wish to be called as a writer. You can read my affair with words at Void Thoughts(http://thevoidthoughts.com) and Reflections..(https://www.vinithadileep.com)</p>

0 thoughts on “The working delusions!

    1. Yes dear. Your comment motivated me to finish this off. 🙂 Did this one make sense to you, Anamika? I was full of doubts actually.
      Thank you for the support and reads.. 🙂

  1. So many points up there Vinitha. A SAHM’s job is the toughest indeed. Do what you like always and well, people will always find something wrong, something to tell. It’s how they live 😛 (at least few do) I am sure working mom’s have their share too from these people. Cheers!

    1. Thank you for taking time to rad and comment here, Shanx. Of course parenting is toughest of all, be it SAHM or Working mom. Thanks for the supportive words.. 🙂

  2. you should do whatever makes YOU happy…and a job is not the only thing to do so. You will never be able to bring back these days of spending time with your son …nothing will ever equal that experience.

  3. This is so true, Vinitha. Yes, the strangest part about this thing is that most of these questions are asked by fellow mothers/working and non-working women!!!

    1. Absolutely, Uma. Never a man asked me any such questions, not even my husband is bothered if I work outside or not where in fact he and our family would be the ones who benefit if I earn too. Sometimes these questions bring out the worst in me.. 😉

  4. When I was reading your post, i felt all my thoughts were being poured by you. Well said. I can relate to it totally being a SAHM myself.

  5. This is so well written! Your thoughts are resonated in thousands of women who are SAHMs. I’m not a software professional, but there are women in other fields too who, out of lack of options, decide to stay at home (visa situation, avoiding commute, small kids etc.)
    Glad I found your blog. 🙂

    1. You made my day Apsara.. I’m glad you could relate to my thoughts. Thanks a lot for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.. I am glad that you found my blog too.. 🙂

  6. heyi..that’s a wonderful post. I was late finding you at this space but am happy I did now. No work is easy dear, the life of a home-maker or a SAHM as you call it. There is great deal of sacrifice to your passion which once excited you, trying and being the perfect lady at home, making the impossible — possible. I would totally call you super-mom indeed.

    Following your blog from now. I am a lazy writer, it doesn’t occur very frequently. I try to catch up whenever possible. You may visit at your ease…

    Take care and let me know more from your end!!!

    1. Hey Viji… Didn’t know that you are a blogger too. Glad to meet you here. Yes. you are right, no job is easy.. I am glad you liked my post.
      Will soon check out your blog dear.. Thank you for stopping by.. 🙂

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