Monday, November 18, 2019
Life Random Thoughts

Whose fault is it?

When I was about get married, I got advises about the new life I was going to embrace, about how I might have to give less priority to my likes and dislikes and how I have to accept those of the new home. All those advises were very subtle, still it did suffocate me a bit. It didn’t matter that I was going to marry a man of my choice, the sacrifices I must do was staring at me. But none of this was asked by my fiancee or future in-laws.

Almost 7 years later, I am happy to acknowledge that I haven’t been asked to make anyone else’s likes and dislikes as my priority! Is it because we spent outside India for the majority of our married life or because my in-laws are not the demanding people – I think both of these are the reasons. I knew my husband very well before our marriage, so does he. We were aware of our flaws and faults very well. We knew each other’s values and strengths too. We had major fights before our marriage. But we wanted to get married to each other because we loved each other.

So when the advises found its way to my ears, I was kind of surprised. Surprised because, none of them knew the person I was going to live with better than me. Regardless, they pitched in. Because there are a set rules to be followed in a marriage and the most prominent one of all is the bride accepting that the new life is going to be the incredible one with price of her likes, dislikes, dreams, desires, etc. That’s what I understood. Because some of the statements were screaming that out, very gently, I might add.

Of course, the night before my wedding I wasn’t going to bother myself with all those new life tantrums. I was hopeful about the new life we were going to build together. Because I knew, that it is going to be new for him too. I was aware that he was also going to make adjustments to fit me in his life and the same was expected from me too. I wonder now, why they failed to tell me about that. Is it because society sees and wants only girl to make adjustments? I am happy to underline that my expectations were right, he too did a lot of adjustments on his side to accommodate me. And it should be like that.

Then I realized, though everyone was generous in dropping their knowledge about the married life on to me, no one educated me on how to handle the bad situations, how to understand when I was exploited in any way, how to let them know if any such case happens, moreover they didn’t ask me if I was happy and they don’t ask me if I am happy now. And I am proud to say that there is only one person who cares about my happiness, my husband, the person I loved and got married to, who I fight with and scream at, who knows the ups and downs I go through. And I must say it is mutual.

There are a lot of misconceptions going on about married life. Yes, it is true that girls have to make adjustments to make it work but so does boys. If men are not doing it probably because they are not expected to do so or they are taught not to adjust. Is it society’s mistake then?

If you don’t educate your daughters well about the situation then how can you cry when things go all wrong? On what basis can women complain about the injustice and inequalities suffered from the in-laws if they are expected to sacrifice and adjust by their own parents? How are men at fault when they are not made aware  that they too have adjustments to make in the new life? Who is at fault here?

Vinitha
<p>I am an ex-Software engineer turned into a SAHM with a love for words. I secretly wish to be called as a writer. You can read my affair with words at Void Thoughts(http://thevoidthoughts.com) and Reflections..(https://www.vinithadileep.com)</p>

0 thoughts on “Whose fault is it?

  1. I agree….women are the creators and if they impart the right kind of guidance and knowledge and inculcate it right a lot of the issues may be nipped in the bud. Nice article 🙂

  2. WOWOW.. write something everyday NOW that is a Task for sure and Well done to you for doing that ..

    I could not do it even if my life depended on it ..

    and who is at fault .. well I think that when two people get married , we can assume they are adults and Grown up , having theis own brains to use.. so am sure a adult brain can think what is right or wrong 🙂

    1. Thank you, Bikramjit. Sure it was a task, a good one though. 🙂
      Of course, adult brains can think what is right and wrong. But many times what is right for one is wrong for the other and we have a problem. 🙂

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