Kanna’s school hour starts at 8:50 in the morning. Most of the days, we reach school at around 8:40. As soon as he is inside the school grounds, he will run to the playground to join his friends. They all have to line up at the same playground when the bell goes off at 8:50. Kanna tirelessly runs around playing tag with his friends till it’s time to line up.
I wait till he gets inside his class. This I do, despite the fact that I have a bus to catch to get back home. What’s the big deal you might think? It doesn’t matter that there are two buses around that time – one will always be early causing us, parents, who stay back to see off their kids to their classes, to miss the bus and the other will be late or absent for the day, making us wait in the cold weather and forcing me to pledge that I won’t stay back again.
My husband asks me why do I have to wait until he gets inside the class. Because the few times he dropped Kanna at the school, he either left as soon as they all lined up or sometimes well before that. Now, my husband has a valid point because most often Kanna won’t even look at my direction even after he is in the queue. I, on the other hand, look at his way to catch a glimpse of my boy, my one hand ready to wave at him the moment his stares shoot my way. It does happen sometimes. Sometimes, his searches for me and waves at me even before I do. Sometimes, he sees me waving at him trying to catch his attention. Sometimes, he blows kisses in my direction from the queue. Sometimes, he looks for me and waves at me while marching to his class. I stay there till he is inside the class. And sometimes none of these happens. On those days my wait to wave at him, to blow a kiss, would be in vain. Forcing me to think that it is okay, not to stay back till the last minute. Forcing me to stay silent, when my husband asks me why I didn’t leave right away.
Today I have an answer for that. Today I was waiting there to get caught by his glance when he was at the playground in the queue. Then when they all were walking towards the class he looked at me, waved at me, blew kisses at me and I saw a twinkle in his eyes. And yes, that’s why I stay back. To see that happiness in his eyes when he searches for me and finds me.
I know that he will be perfectly alright even if I wasn’t present there to wave and smile back at him. I know that he understands that I have to catch the bus and I might not be able to wait for too long. But I love how happy he gets just by the sight of me. It is a small gesture, but it fills our hearts spilling with love.
On the way back, I caught my reflection on the screen of the bus window, smiling with a twinkle in my eyes. What more can I ask for?